THE LAIR OF AWESOMENESS

A quick bit of writing. I'm a bit preoccupied right now, but I'll work on this more tomorrow.
Feel free to add to it.
If you do add to it, sexualize the joystick, lol.
Entry

Code:

>enter LAIR OF EXTREME AWESOMENESS
You walk slowly through the door, bathed in all the wonderful colors. Crab Nicholson follows, shutting the door behind him. On the floor is a BOTTLE, an ATARI 2600, a BOX OF DVDS, a BAG OF CHIPS, and A BLOWUP DOLL.

BAG OF CHIPS

Code:

>look bag, look bag of chips, look chips, look cheetos
A bag of cheetos, full of cheesy, sticky goodness.
>eat chips, eat bag of chips, eat cheetos
You eat the cheetos. You now have cheeto fingers.
(Set cheeto fingers flag)
>Lick fingers
You lick the cheesy goodness off your fingers.
(Removes cheeto fingers flag)


ATARI

Code:

>look atari 2600, look atari
You turn 2600 degrees and vomit violently.
>play atari, play atari 2600
You grab a joystick.
(If cheeto fingers flag is set)
Crab Nicholson grimaces as you smear your cheese all over his rock-hard joystick. You rub your gooey fingers over the sensitve tip, and hear him groan as you grip his stick firmly, and work it back and forth.
Crab Nicholson is not amused. You get the MadCatz controller.
(Joystick added to inventory.)
You feel compelled to sit down and play some Pac-Man, but you feel you would rather complain about the game on the internet. After all, Pac-Man doesn't have any space marines.


BOTTLE

Code:

>look bottle, look at the bottle
An empty bottle lies on the floor
>pick up bottle, pick up the bottle
(Zelda DA NA NA NAAA fanfare)
YOU GOT AN EMPTY BOTTLE!
(Bottle added to inventory)


BLOWUP DOLL

Code:

>look doll, look blowup doll
An Etna doll lies near your feet, looking up at you with her innocent, loli eyes. Her luscious, rubbery thighs invite you to violate her, because she clearly wants it. Her large O of a mouth only makes your penis harder.
>look doll('s) mouth, look etna('s) mouth
Her mouth is dripping with what you assume to be tartar sauce. It smells fishy. You spy something shiny deeper down her throat, but you can't get your whole hand in her mouth to grab it.
>fuck doll/etna, have sex with doll/etna
Being the sick fuck you are, you go down on the doll, shoving your erect penis into her mouth. You thrust in and out, and fondle her delicious flat chest. As you are about to explode in orgasm, you shove your dick in as far as it will go. Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain. You yelp, and pull out your wood to discover that a key has lodged itself in your urethra.

Boy, this is neat.
So, what happens next ? Is there a puzzle there ?
What rooms are after this one ? How do we make the story progress at this point ?
LET'S GET WORKING ON THAT Y'ALL

I was thinking, for the sake of organization, we might divide each room into a thread.

And I haven't thought of any puzzles as of yet, I was thinking it would all start in the Lair of Awesomeness, and then, as the sleepover progresses, you will need to go get stuff for Crab Nicholson, first small things, then becoming progressively more awesome. Then, you'll need to leave the house to go to the store, or descend deep into the Basement of Mystery for some menial task. I have something like a Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle style plot in mind. Yay, nay?

Yay for me. The Lair could be some kind of central hub, with more doors unlocking with each quest (THE CRAB LOOKS AT YOU, OBVIOUSLY QUITE PLEASED; THEN HE POINTS AT THE BATHROOM DOOR AND SAYS : "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PARTY NEEDS ? MORE PINATAS.").
Also the first fetch quest should, logically, be about getting him his mittens back.

Orteil wrote:Yay for me. The Lair could be some kind of central hub, with more doors unlocking with each quest (THE CRAB LOOKS AT YOU, OBVIOUSLY QUITE PLEASED; THEN HE POINTS AT THE BATHROOM DOOR AND SAYS : "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PARTY NEEDS ? MORE PINATAS.").
Also the first fetch quest should, logically, be about getting him his mittens back.

Sure. Let's make that a quest. I did a bit more writing, and I'm placing a key inside the blowup doll.
(But it's now lodged in your urethra, and you are unable to ejaculate! WHAT DO?)

BOTTLE

Code:


    >look bottle, look at the bottle
    An empty bottle lies on the floor
    >pick up bottle, pick up the bottle
    (Zelda DA NA NA NAAA fanfare)
    YOU GOT AN EMPTY BOTTLE!
    (Bottle added to inventory)


BLOWUP DOLL

Code:


    >look doll, look blowup doll
    An Etna doll lies near your feet, looking up at you with her innocent, loli eyes. Her luscious, rubbery thighs invite you to violate her, because she clearly wants it. Her large O of a mouth only makes your penis harder.
    >look doll('s) mouth, look etna('s) mouth
    Her mouth is dripping with what you assume to be tartar sauce. It tastes fishy. You spy something shiny deeper down her throat, but you can't get your whole hand in her mouth to grab it.
    >fuck doll/etna, have sex with doll/etna
    Being the sick fuck you are, you go down on the doll, shoving your erect penis into her mouth. You thrust in and out, and fondle her delicious flat chest. As you are about to explode ih orgasm, you shove your dick in as far as it will go. Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain. You yelp, and yank out your wood to discover that a key has lodged itself in your urethra.

Oh, and I'm just going to add to the first post, to keep stuff together.

I'm all for getting KITTEN MITTENS and going out on the town for a normal-mittens fetch quest.

Orteil wrote:The Lair could be some kind of central hub, with more doors unlocking with each quest

So the first task should be to organize what the quests are going to be and how they could be sequenced to make a decent storyline. For instance, at a normal party, somebody might have to go on a beer run, call up other friends, pick up some music equipment, etc. For instance, instead of boring old beer, what would Crab Nicholson send you to get, and what challenges could we throw the player's way?

Also, we need to consider whether or not there should be a game over condition outside of completing the game. In other words, can you piss off Crab Nicholson enough that he'll kick you out, or is the worst that could happen that you just don't know what to do next? I believe that the former might discourage exploration and experimentation, an aspect of older text adventure games that we do not want to repeat. Instead, I offer that any expressions of displeasure by Crab Nicholson be there for humorous effect only, or possibly as a condition to overcome for the sake of a puzzle. (C.N. IS DISPLEASED WITH THE MEAGER SELECTION OF ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES AVAILABLE. REMEDY THIS.) In short, if you do something wrong, all you get is a minor punch to the face or laughed at, kinda like Sam & Max or the Neverhood were for the most part.

As far as what all the quests lead up to. I figure that after gathering all the party favors and guests that C.N. demands, the party gets started, but then a villain of some sort emerges, which you must then defeat in order to bring peace and festivities back to the house of Crab Nicholson.

VideoVader wrote:

Orteil wrote:The Lair could be some kind of central hub, with more doors unlocking with each quest

So the first task should be to organize what the quests are going to be and how they could be sequenced to make a decent storyline. For instance, at a normal party, somebody might have to go on a beer run, call up other friends, pick up some music equipment, etc. For instance, instead of boring old beer, what would Crab Nicholson send you to get, and what challenges could we throw the player's way?

Also, we need to consider whether or not there should be a game over condition outside of completing the game. In other words, can you piss off Crab Nicholson enough that he'll kick you out, or is the worst that could happen that you just don't know what to do next? I believe that the former might discourage exploration and experimentation, an aspect of older text adventure games that we do not want to repeat. Instead, I offer that any expressions of displeasure by Crab Nicholson be there for humorous effect only, or possibly as a condition to overcome for the sake of a puzzle. (C.N. IS DISPLEASED WITH THE MEAGER SELECTION OF ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES AVAILABLE. REMEDY THIS.) In short, if you do something wrong, all you get is a minor punch to the face or laughed at, kinda like Sam & Max or the Neverhood were for the most part.

As far as what all the quests lead up to. I figure that after gathering all the party favors and guests that C.N. demands, the party gets started, but then a villain of some sort emerges, which you must then defeat in order to bring peace and festivities back to the house of Crab Nicholson.

I really like this idea.

One thing that was mentioned on the original thread, was, upon dying, having a Restart, Restore, or Quit option.

CRAB NICHOLSON SLICES YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF

NOW YOU CANNOT MASTURBATE

RESTART, RESTORE OR QUIT?

Thoughts?

Any ideas for a villian? Perhaps a giant enemy crab? If there are to be other guests or characters at the Extreme Sleepover, perhaps we should discuss those. Are we going to make this sleepover a mishmesh of memes (i.e. Pedobear, Longcat, ect), or are we going to make some original content?

I did a bit more writing, and I'm placing a key inside the blowup doll.
(But it's now lodged in your urethra, and you are unable to ejaculate! WHAT DO?)

Hahaha gross.
Okay with the fuckdoll puzzle, but it seems a bit predictable and it's probably the first thing most people will do on entering the room (You see a blowup doll. what do ? / >fuck blowup doll lololololo"). Maybe a slightly less obvious action should get you the key ?... Or maybe the first puzzle is supposed to be simple, I dunno.
Either way, I think we also need an alternative, more SFW way to get the key (while still allowing the explicit one); something like :

Code:

You become aware of a cold, painful feeling in your junk.
>lick tartar sauce
You lick the white substance.The Crab surely cooked that ! This is a completely new experience for you; struck by the creamy deliciousness of the tartar sauce, your whole body shivers in a spasm of delight.
You hear a metallic thud on the floor right at your feet, and you suddenly feel relieved for some reason.
>look below me, look, look metallic, look floor
You see a slightly sticky key.

I'm all for getting KITTEN MITTENS and going out on the town for a normal-mittens fetch quest.

The game has Fabulous Mittens, Kitten Mittens (made from real kitten paws) and there'll surely be other ways to get more pairs of gloves. They could be like achievements or something...

So the first task should be to organize what the quests are going to be and how they could be sequenced to make a decent storyline. For instance, at a normal party, somebody might have to go on a beer run, call up other friends, pick up some music equipment, etc. For instance, instead of boring old beer, what would Crab Nicholson send you to get, and what challenges could we throw the player's way?

THE CRAB SENDS YOU ON AN ERRAND THROUGH SPACE AND TIME TO COLLECT :
-WATER FROM THE HOLY STYX IN HADES
-THE LOVE JUICES OF BARRY WHITE
-THE TEARS OF AN ORPHAN

One thing that was mentioned on the original thread, was, upon dying, having a Restart, Restore, or Quit option.

Deaths will be found everywhere and be very, very stupid (You lick the hooker. You crazy or somthin ? / YOU HAVE DIED FROM SUPER-AIDS) but I'll try to code up a little undo/restore option, but just for the move that led to the death. Also saving the game should be very easy to do.
Also annoying the Crab will make him hit you increasingly harder, ending with him slashing through your chest with his Holy Pincers.

Any ideas for a villian? Perhaps a giant enemy crab? If there are to be other guests or characters at the Extreme Sleepover, perhaps we should discuss those. Are we going to make this sleepover a mishmesh of memes (i.e. Pedobear, Longcat, ect), or are we going to make some original content?

Only the most extreme memes can apply for an appearance in the game (a meme is extreme if you can yell something like "HOLY MOTHER OF SHITFUCKING JESUS, [name of meme] ROAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR" the loudest you can, and feel stronger and fuzzy inside as a result).
Maybe just subtle references would do for Longcat and Pedobear. ALSO OF COURSE GIANT ENEMY CRAB AND BREADCRABS WILL BE IN

I have read the info we have right now about Crab Nicholson, but I am still unsure what his role is in the story...
Is he like a villain or a good guy, maybe something in between?

Also placing a guitar in one of the rooms be cool, as you could use the guitar itself to play songs (metal, I dunno) to calm Crab Nicholson down and make him not cut your balls off when you have done something stupid. Or using the guitar with a pair of scissors would yield you some thick strings, which you could use for other stuff, like fishing something out of a well, or a sex doll for that matter.
Also putting in dozens of small items not related to the story would be a good idea, to encourage the player to discover things, or combine strange stuff to get useful items or strange situations. How about a box(?) of pain pills (Left4Dead reference), combining them with the ever-abundant stack of alcohol we put in the game (you die), or giving them to CN ( CN is pleased). It's probably a good idea to make an independent thread for stuff like this, so we can come up with stuff in a systematic and orderly fashion.

Also, what is the exact ultimate goal in the game (for us developers, so we can work to a climax of some sort)?
-Surviving and escaping Crab Nicholson and his sudden extreme sleepover?
-The above and killing him?
-Just to survive and hope he goes away at the end of the game?
-There is no end; the sleepover ends when you die?

Is he like a villain or a good guy, maybe something in between?

Also, what is the exact ultimate goal in the game (for us developers, so we can work to a climax of some sort)?

He's not a villain or a good guy. HE'S CRAB NICHOLSON. THE GOAL OF THE GAME IS WHAT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN : HAVE AN EXTREME SLEEPOVER WITH CRAB NICHOLSON OR DIE.
(also I thought that maybe the player could eventually turn into a crab himself for even more awesome points)
So yeah. It's just about completing more and more awesome and extreme quests for/with/against The Crab. The game ends when the player is laying on the floor in a puddle of his own semen. And I mean IN REAL LIFE. We just need to imagine what could be the most awesomely extreme climax for that.
Hm well, we could have alternate endings. If the player angers CN too much and miraculously escapes immediate destruction, the game could then become some deadly hide-and-seek match.

Also putting in dozens of small items not related to the story would be a good idea, to encourage the player to discover things, or combine strange stuff to get useful items or strange situations.

Yeah, hundreds of easter eggs and tiny little items that don't serve the main plot would be awesome.
(in the current version, you can already look under the closet, then behind it)
Also okay for the guitar, but I don't think CN would be pleased if the player played it himself. I think to earn happy Crab points, you'd need to gather a band from a drummer, a guitarist, a bass player and a singer, all abducted from the most extreme hardcore metal bands of all time. This game is about creating the biggest shitstorm of awesome, remember.

On the villains topic : I don't think there should be a main villain, maybe just occasional opponents during the quests. Crab Nicholson is and should remain your mentor, your best buddy, and your worst fucking clawed nightmare.
i.e. : no character should be more or as important as The Crab himself. IT'S HIS EXTREME SLEEPOVER.

Please add unicorns. ^__^

Once upon a time, there were unicorns.
Crab Nicholson turned them into horses.

On the villains topic : I don't think there should be a main villain, maybe just occasional opponents during the quests.

can these opponents be the police? Or the FBI?



also who's that bald guy sitting on the bed in the background image when you start the game? Is he already a character thats been sorted because I was thinking he could be Marlon Brando that can do shit. And dies at the end of the game because you use him as a shield from being shot and gets riddled with bullets or something.



And for miscellaneous items I was thinking like a daterape pill or a roofie to combine with a drink that you can mix to do something else relevant to the game. Or a tube full of lube.

Rage wrote:
Also, what is the exact ultimate goal in the game (for us developers, so we can work to a climax of some sort)?
-Surviving and escaping Crab Nicholson and his sudden extreme sleepover?
-The above and killing him?
-Just to survive and hope he goes away at the end of the game?
-There is no end; the sleepover ends when you die?

We need multiple endings IMO. Now I for one believe that it should be impossible to kill him, but there can be ways to escape the Sleepover and or just have a happy ending. Like this is on the top of my head.

After upsetting Crab Nicholson you run down to his basement. From here you have to navigate yourself through a cluttered basement maze. Turn left or right around the stacks of vintage Playboy and Penthouse magazines. Crawl under the crevice of dusty luggage and electronics or climb above it. Eventually you reach the garage opener only to find out that the damn thing doesn't work. All hope is lost. But if the player types look the player will notice a vinyl record player. If you turn it on it turns out to be Prince's Batman 89 Soundtrack. A Midi of Prince's Trust comes on and Crab Nicholson cant help but start dancing. The sleepover is back on and you and Crab dance the night away!

can these opponents be the police? Or the FBI?

Sounds okay. Also time police, men in black and crabmen. We'll see in due time.

also who's that bald guy sitting on the bed in the background image when you start the game? Is he already a character thats been sorted because I was thinking he could be Marlon Brando that can do shit. And dies at the end of the game because you use him as a shield from being shot and gets riddled with bullets or something.

Fuck I have no idea who he is, could anyone identify him please ?
Also yeah, he should be a recurring character of some sort, maybe related to Crab Nicholson (after all he's depicted with a CRAB CLAW) and him dying at the climax of the game sounds neat.

And for miscellaneous items I was thinking like a daterape pill or a roofie to combine with a drink that you can mix to do something else relevant to the game. Or a tube full of lube.

Fuck yeah to all of that. Beware of combinational explosion though.

We need multiple endings IMO. Now I for one believe that it should be impossible to kill him, but there can be ways to escape the Sleepover and or just have a happy ending. Like this is on the top of my head.

After upsetting Crab Nicholson you run down to his basement. From here you have to navigate yourself through a cluttered basement maze. Turn left or right around the stacks of vintage Playboy and Penthouse magazines. Crawl under the crevice of dusty luggage and electronics or climb above it. Eventually you reach the garage opener only to find out that the damn thing doesn't work. All hope is lost. But if the player types look the player will notice a vinyl record player. If you turn it on it turns out to be Prince's Batman 89 Soundtrack. A Midi of Prince's Trust comes on and Crab Nicholson cant help but start dancing. The sleepover is back on and you and Crab dance the night away!

Okay to multiple endings. The plot should be as complex and branched and intertwined as possible; this game is going to be played over and over again with screencaps posted on imageboards, so we need to have as many different stuffs happening as possible. However, it also needs one major plot that anyone who played the game can relate to.

On the note of multiple endings, I think that in order to get the best ending, the final puzzle should make a binary choice between the best and worst ending, and be dramatic.
I also think that in order to do the right thing in this win or lose scenario, you must have made an earlier choice that seems unimportant at the time, and at the crunch time, it still isn't obvious that it's opened up a winning choice unless you make that final choice.
I think it would be great to have paths where taking the more confrontational, risky path would usually kill you or whatever the worst ending turns out to be, but an obscure action on this path will give you the finest ending.

E.g. You have to feed someone, and you have an apple and a banana. If you give them the banana, you keep the apple, game plays out, the end.
If you give them the apple, at a possible ending, you can retrieve an important item from a villain's hand by using the banana as a boomerang, and get the good ending.

Not exactly that, since I have a really shitty idea of what's funny compared to most people, but just something that seems unimportant but opens an option you usually wouldn't think of.

Fuck I have no idea who he is, could anyone identify him please ?

He actually IS Crab Nicholson. The guy that originally drew the picture was illustrating a story about how Jack Nicholson got drunk and dreamt he was a crab.

Also, Crab Nicholson should be both your ally, and a major antagonist.

On one hand, you're his prisoner in his house, and he's making you collect things and go through useless puzzles. But on the other hand, YOU'RE HAVING THE MOST EXTREME SLEEPOVER YOU'VE EVER HAD

I like the idea of time police.
Perhaps if you choose to assist Crab Nicholson rather than escape, you'll need to avoid the time police discovering those puzzles you complete which breach time law, but if you choose to try and escape, the time police are trying to rescue you and you become even more of a prisoner to Crab Nicholson as the extreme sleepover time siege gets more intensely negative.

The Lair could be some kind of central hub, with more doors unlocking with each quest

100% definitely agree with you on this one. Each successful room completed should unlock maybe two more, allowing you some choice in where you want to go next. Then, if after the initial room, there are like 2 or 3 rooms to choose from for example, you can complete like, 5 or more rooms before going onto the second of the secondary rooms. Something like a pyramid?
O Initial Room
O O Secondary Unlocks
O O O Etc.
O O O O Etc.
O O O O O Etc.

Except the house isn't actually shaped like a triangle. That's just how the unlocks work.

Zaphod Beeblebrox wrote:
Except the house isn't actually shaped like a triangle. That's just how the unlocks work.

I quite like the idea of the house being shaped like a pyramid, travelling from the lair at the top, further down until some late portions occur underground or in places found underground.

God wrote:
I quite like the idea of the house being shaped like a pyramid, travelling from the lair at the top, further down until some late portions occur underground or in places found underground.

That's pretty intruiging too, I wouldn't mind the idea of travelling underneath or in some dungeon portion of the house, as long as you're able to return to the house proper just as easily. I just meant it in the sense that, after the bedroom, the bathroom and living room become unlocked, then the kitchen the garage and the attic etc.

@VideoVader

I agree with the whole dying thing being discouraging, and I agree that a lot of the fun will simply be experimenting, but I also think sometimes the reward for experimenting should be death, in a humorous fashion. I'm talking obvious things, things you wouldn't ever believe you'd survive. These kinds of things should kill you for sure, and if we have a save/restore function then it won't stop people from trying every option in the game.

Reasonable things shouldn't kill you though... Probably.

Yes to the unlocking/pyramid construction thing. Well, not litterally pyramidal, but that's the basic organization the whole house could take.
The lair/bedroom will branch into a continuity of other rooms, each having new exciting puzzles. Some rooms may exclude others depending on the choices you did to get there. In the end, we'll have a fairly complicated layout, so it'll be a good idea to throw in some warprooms or some transportation system.